A part 2 of Charly Boy's first article on See Finish
Syndrome. Find it here. Check on it below..
When I published my piece about the death
of desire in marriage/relationships (“See
Finish Syndrome”) I didn't expect the kind of
feedback I got on that matter, hummm see
gobe!
It was clear to me that the marriage
institution in Nigeria is in a big problem.
Ninety percent of the overwhelming phone
calls and emails were from angry, lonely,
disgruntled and confused wives. It was then
it hit me that millions of homes and
marriage relationships are going through a
very bad patch, wives are growing very
disenchanted with their husbands and their
relationship. Before I did the piece (see
finish) apart from experiencing it personally,
I have heard and seen so much sadness in
too many homes that made me swear and
ever determined not to allow my marriage
be caught by the "See Finish" bug.
From the mails and the phone calls I received, it
was clear to me that many wives whilst still in
their relationship, DON PORT. They have
emotionally moved on engaging in hot sizzling
extra-marital affair. The number is alarming, their
reasons are as enlightening as it is revealing and
I must add, I learnt quite a lot from all the sad
stories I heard and read. Thank God for the
opportunity, I will always share with my readers
some of my personal experiences, trusting that in
coming clean I will also learn from the mistake of
others. Long story short, it is for me therapeutic.
Many wives these days " DON PORT", alarming
unconfirmed statistic show a large number who
have grown disinterested in their marital sex,
while husbands are busy reassuring themselves
that their wives are still "The Good Girl" they
married. Hummm mmm. For many who wrote in
and I spoke to, swore that they never thought
they were the "Type" that would ever cheat, but
now they are far too deep into it and never want
to stop. I begin to see a pattern in all of this
confusion, if we don’t develop an accurate
understanding of our wives; very soon, marriages
will become old fashion because so many people
are becoming disillusioned with the whole
institution. In all of this, so many men are stuck
with their societal beliefs about females that are
grossly distorted and completely erroneous.
Wahala dey my people.
The following is a letter from one of my numerous
readers, since she doesn't mind me sharing it
with you, I don't mind either…
Hello AreaFada,
I am writing this because there is a serious issue
I'm struggling with, I desperately need to share it
with someone. I felt I could open up to you and
not be judged having followed you for long. I
don’t mind if you use this mail on your several
platforms, i believe i speak for many too.
I got married in the 90's to perhaps the most
wonderful man on earth and together, we have
one of the best families anyone would wish to
have. My husband and I are doing very well on
our jobs and our kids are excellent both at home
and at school.
We have no reason to suspect each other or
anyone, there is nothing like lack of trust in this
relationship. We live in each other's body and so,
privy to what the other is doing per time and we
are very supportive of each other, at the same
time, being each other's worst critic because we
always are on the look-out for areas to improve.
We're absolutely loyal and faithful to each other,
nothing less than a 100%.
This is a summary of the home I had until 3years
ago.
I met a man in the course of my job who came
along with a new information and completely
opened my eyes to a new feeling.
Ours wasn't a chance meeting, we worked
together on a project so we exchanged phone
numbers and since then he has always called.
That was the beginning o, he would not let me
rest, calling and texting nice stuff almost by the
minute. Before long, I started looking forward to
this. We started bonding like you can never
imagine. In a very short space of time, we
became an item. This means spending more time
with him........at the expense of my family time.
I didn't start sleeping with him o, we kept things
off SEX Lane and surprisingly, he didn't make a
fuss. Of course, each time we saw, he wanted to
get it on but as soon as I told him 'No', he just
let me be without getting angry. At least not
obviously.
This singular act, I think, is the clincher that
made me very fond of him because back home,
the only thing that caused quarrels between my
gentleman husband and I was the fact that he
made too much fuss each time I refused him sex,
when I'm tired or not just in the mood. He gets
angry to a convulsive state and I used to wonder
if it was running away.
For more than a year of seeing each other, my
now boyfriend (OMG, am I writing this?), asked for
sex and I felt obliged. He had been very
understanding, so why don't I do him this
honors. So I agreed. He was so gentle and
alluring, handled me the way no man had ever
done me before. I felt like a woman, perhaps for
the very first time, allowing me experience
orgasm before him, Wow, is this heaven or what?
After which he gave me my 1st bath as an adult. I
had never seen that before. It's a season of firsts
for me and I was loving every second of it,
Please pardon me, I crave your indulgence, I
needed to open this up to someone and I'm glad
I found your platform. Thank you. Just hear me
out, that's all I ask.
I no longer have time for anybody and anything
else. I get infuriated by the smallest things,
making mountains out of moll hills. Any small
thing, I resign to my basement and ask that no
one disturbs me. My basement, which hitherto
was a dungeon of not-frequently-used items in
the house, is now my get-away, to be alone with
my lover, who incidentally is also married. My
loyalty to my family is brutally divided or is it
totally eroded? My husband has been and
remains a good man, i doubt if he ever has been
unfaithful to me in the close to twenty years of
our marriage and I know he doesn't deserve this.
At least, one good turn they say....
I know, I have a feeling this is bad, very bad, but
I'm enjoying this new information. Imagine, it's
been well over two years since we started
sleeping with each other and I can’t even find a
word for the kind of sex we share. My boyfriend
just knows how to keep it ever new and fresh,
every single time.
The strange thing is my husband doesn't even
have a clue I've been cheating. Even if the
thought crosses his mind, he would probably
think something is wrong with him 'upstairs' for
thinking such thoughts. AreaFada, please don't
advise me to stop o, just counsel me on the best
way you think I can keep the groove on without
breaking eggs...how to have the best of my now
two worlds.
My happiness is very important, am sexually alive
with my boyfriend.
Thank you for your time, may God bless you.
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